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Q. Hi Hope you can help. I separated from my ex husband in 2009 and he has access to our 7 yr old son 3 nights out of 7 each week. I feel this is too much and would like this to be reduced to 2 nights (maybe limited to weekends only to not disturb the school week). I have brought this up with my ex who becomes very aggressive and intimidating. Today we had an issue whereby he would not bring my son home after a weekend visit and i had to call the police who advised me to take a shaparone with me to collect my son. My ex has done this before and does not see why he should collect/drop off my son although it is him that wants the access. I spoke to my solicitor today who said that as there is no court order in place I do not have to give him contact however I am concerned my son will suffer and blame me. Is there anything I can do so that my ex adheres to my wishes regarding his access?
Perhaps try mediation services to discuss reducing the contact and agree details of collection and return. Your solicitor could write to him making proposals and invite comment from him. If all of that fails, you may apply to the court for a defined contact order that will specify exact times of contact and who is to collect and return him.
As for reducing the contact, perhaps try given more reasons for your proposal. Is the midweek contact disruptive and if so, how? Does your 7 yr old enjoy the contact? Where possible, try to reach an agreement amicably because as your son gets older, more and more issues will arise that you will no doubt need to agree on.